Small and Simple Things
"Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great."
D&C 64:33
It is through the small and simple things that we make connections and stay connected with the ones we love. The media portrays a very different picture than this. We've all seen this in a romantic comedy, where the man professes his love at a baseball game on the big screen. Or when a woman is wined and dined and they dance till dawn. Or even a romantic vacation results in someone falling in love.
John Gottman argues that "romance is strengthened in the supermarket asile" rather than on vacation to a romantic place. (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work) He teaches that it is in the simple and sometimes most mundane circumstances that connection is made. And that connection is made by "turning towards each other." When I think about what it means to turn toward someone I think about being fully engaged and staying present in the moment no matter how stressful it may be. Because I am invested in them.
My brother is a great example of this with his wife. Though they don't always agree they turn towards each other in the hard and happy times. One example of this was when my sister-in-law was very emotional about having a hard time with how her mother had been treating her. My brother sat with her and let her cry and explain how she felt. He was so patient. Didn't try to fix it he just listened and sat with her in her sadness. Then he gently asked questions to help her work through the issue never telling her what to do or how to feel. I could see how supported she felt, and how she knew he was on her side.
I have tried to remember that it is in the simple and small moments trust is built. And have tried to take advantage of these opportunities with my children. I have to often remind my self to stop, slow-down, and "turn towards" my children instead of turning away. The irony is that many times when I am turning away and don't realize it, is when I am trying to do something for them or the family, like laundry or cooking. All of which are necessary but not the most important. And not the things that build trust and connection in our relationship. I believe it is in the everyday simple moments that the real magic happens.
D&C 64:33
It is through the small and simple things that we make connections and stay connected with the ones we love. The media portrays a very different picture than this. We've all seen this in a romantic comedy, where the man professes his love at a baseball game on the big screen. Or when a woman is wined and dined and they dance till dawn. Or even a romantic vacation results in someone falling in love.
John Gottman argues that "romance is strengthened in the supermarket asile" rather than on vacation to a romantic place. (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work) He teaches that it is in the simple and sometimes most mundane circumstances that connection is made. And that connection is made by "turning towards each other." When I think about what it means to turn toward someone I think about being fully engaged and staying present in the moment no matter how stressful it may be. Because I am invested in them.
I have tried to remember that it is in the simple and small moments trust is built. And have tried to take advantage of these opportunities with my children. I have to often remind my self to stop, slow-down, and "turn towards" my children instead of turning away. The irony is that many times when I am turning away and don't realize it, is when I am trying to do something for them or the family, like laundry or cooking. All of which are necessary but not the most important. And not the things that build trust and connection in our relationship. I believe it is in the everyday simple moments that the real magic happens.
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