Changing our Relationships By Changing Ourselves
Changing our Relationships By Changing Ourselves
This week I finished a book by H. Wallace Goddard called, "Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage: Eternal Doctrines that Change Relationships" This was a book that I was required to read for a Marriage class that I am taking. And to be quite honest I didn't have the best attitude when I first began it since my divorce is still fresh. But I made the decision to go into it with a open mind clear of feelings of resentment or guilt. I'm so glad I did! Not only did I learn important information that may help with a marriage one day. But what I learned was how to better myself. What I learned was that the key to having a happy marriage has nothing to do with changing our spouse. But everything to do with changing ourselves. And we do this by becoming humble and relying on the atonement of Jesus Christ.
H. Wallace Goddard (2009) says this, "We cannot fix our partners. We cannot even fix ourselves! But we can make ourselves humble. We can recognize our dependence on God for all that we have and are." Learning and understanding this made so much sense to me. If both spouses understand this and apply this I believe joy can be found within marriage. And really this brings clarity and relief to me. In fact by thinking and trying to fix or change our spouse we are actually doing more harm than good. Goddard put it like this, "When we presume to set our partners and our marriage right, we are intruding on the Heavenly prerogative. We are seizing the reins from God. It doesn't work. We mortals make poor gods." Then he suggest that the thing that does work is recognizing our weaknesses and seeking God's help to turn that weakness into a strength.
The thing that stood out to me the most in his book was learning how important charity is in a marriage, and for that matter in our eternal progression. I loved the way Goddard defined Charity by coming up with his own take on Elder Max Caldwell of the Seventy's insights on charity. "The phrase 'love of Christ' might have meaning in three dimensions: Love for Christ, Love from Christ, and Love like Christ." When we understand first the redemptive and pure love Christ has for us, we in turn have that love for him. After experiencing this love then we can love others as he loves us. Without judgment, without envy, without guile. We can see others as Christ sees us. With pure love.
One of my favorite Broadway plays is Les Miserables. One of the reasons I love it is because of the character Jean Val jean, and his story of redemption through the love and charity that is given to him. This leads him on a path to understand and build a relationship with God that changes him as he develops charity for himself and others. My favorite line is when he says, "To love another person is to see the face of God." Jean Val jean understood charity, and the pure love of Christ.
If you haven't read "Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage: Eternal Doctrines that Change Relationships" By H. Wallace Goddard I would highly recommend it. Weather you are single or married or dating you will grow and learn from this book. The link to buy it on amazon is below:
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